tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12559194011759345132024-02-18T00:06:49.503-05:00Amherst Mediation ServicesMediators Oran E. Kaufman, Esq. and Danielle J. Barshak, Esq.oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-42942073443531348012024-02-17T12:19:00.001-05:002024-02-17T12:19:26.982-05:00Un-Marry Me! Modern Love 2024<p> Here is another wonderful entry in the Modern Love podcast that caught my eye!</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/14/podcasts/modern-love-unmarried-dave-finch.html" target="_blank">Un-Marry Me! Modern Love</a><br /></p>oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-25435429003929869712022-05-13T08:47:00.003-04:002023-03-17T12:32:02.556-04:00Mediation via Zoom<i><br /></i>
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<i><span style="color: orange;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Now scheduling ONLINE Mediations and Consultations for New and Existing Clients</span> on Zoom, Face-time or other video conferencing. </span></i></h4>
<div style="font-style: italic;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="font-style: italic;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="font-style: italic;"><i>Update 3/16/23</i></div><div style="font-style: italic;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="font-style: italic;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Dear Existing Clients, New Clients and Colleagues</span></i></div><div style="font-style: italic;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></i></div><div style="font-style: italic;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The health and well-being of my clients and community continue to be of primary importance to me.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">For the past 3 years and during the height of the pandemic, I transitioned my practice to conducting mediations and meetings almost exclusively via Zoom. This has its advantages and disadvantages. The main advantage of course has been the ability to continue to offer my services during the pandemic. At this point, I am beginning to offer my clients the option of in-person meetings as well continuing to offer mediations via Zoom. For the time being, in person meetings will be limited to those clients who have been vaccinated and boostered. I am happy to go over the options with you, as well as the pros and cons of in- person vs. Zoom when we talk. Call me at 413-256-1575 to discuss the options.</span></div><div style="font-style: italic;"><br /></div><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;">Dear Clients, Potential Clients and Colleagues:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;">The health and well-being of my clients and community is of great importance to me. I will be working remotely for the foreseeable future. Business operations will continue as normal. I will be answering phones, answering texts emails and regular mail. Cases will continue to be advanced every bit the same way as if I was in the office.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"><b>Mediations are available via Zoom video conferencing, phone conferencing or other possible video/phone options. </b> Please call or email me to discuss the options. Mediations conducted via Zoom have gone extremely smoothly. In many ways they are more efficient. Scheduling is easier and clients can engage in the mediation process for their individual homes. <b> Zoom/video conferencing is a viable and practical option. Please call me at 413-256-1575 to discuss.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;">My hope, like I am sure, yours, is that this virus will be contained in short order and we can resume our “normal” activities shortly. In the meantime, please know that I am available to help in whatever way I can. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-50312490027588586782022-02-06T12:02:00.005-05:002024-02-17T12:15:21.289-05:00Can a Good-Enough Marriage Make for a Great Divorce?<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiPpRvH8cKRdML5Pq8p4Sih27M0P0ysJZaStokh-NNd-wNeQwFs3yfk1NtP9SzdOXg0Sp9_DVUKzIRi0Tf4M1s0KbWFC3HsOfVUNZ_U0XPLM7GefMj-80k3jZIO-jC8ial518lfVCG7rlYJeKRJcy8PUKv3IGGcV7OeqwTHMAbXMOWLJoMCsC-mBZfK=s4032" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiPpRvH8cKRdML5Pq8p4Sih27M0P0ysJZaStokh-NNd-wNeQwFs3yfk1NtP9SzdOXg0Sp9_DVUKzIRi0Tf4M1s0KbWFC3HsOfVUNZ_U0XPLM7GefMj-80k3jZIO-jC8ial518lfVCG7rlYJeKRJcy8PUKv3IGGcV7OeqwTHMAbXMOWLJoMCsC-mBZfK=s320" width="240" /></a></div><p>Every once in a while a story captures my interest, makes us take a step back and think of the positive. This may not be for everyone, but I found this story heartwarming and inspiring. Check it out: <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/07/well/family/divorce-living-together.html?smid=url-share">Sharing a Home While Divorcing</a></p>orankaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14856474600665348694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-40063109882676569452021-09-22T14:56:00.005-04:002021-09-22T15:00:01.541-04:002021 Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines<p></p><p style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-13wfdpckvGPcC6ya0fRX30JNypu9g9AzPbTHpOrd5H1EtvMJpmiTIPsdaJA8gvuzfItfaOw8wEapfExFQJql12bmNMmxj-e1XeEyhpnDdETu6Kq_BREgoNWZyn2a4-VqCA11M9-0Ixc/s527/mushrooms.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="527" data-original-width="395" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-13wfdpckvGPcC6ya0fRX30JNypu9g9AzPbTHpOrd5H1EtvMJpmiTIPsdaJA8gvuzfItfaOw8wEapfExFQJql12bmNMmxj-e1XeEyhpnDdETu6Kq_BREgoNWZyn2a4-VqCA11M9-0Ixc/w150-h200/mushrooms.jpg" width="150" /></a></p> <p></p><br /><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">The new Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines and Guidelines worksheet are now available. They go into effect on October 4, 2021. They can be found here:</span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">2021 Massachusetts Child Support Guideline<a href="https://www.mass.gov/info-details/2021-child-support-guidelines-introductory-material">2021 Child Support Guidelines</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">2021 Child Support Guidelines Worksheet</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"> <a href="https://www.mass.gov/info-details/probate-and-family-court-2021-child-support-guidelines-worksheet-cjd-304">https://www.mass.gov/info-details/probate-and-family-court-2021-child-support-guidelines-worksheet-cjd-304</a></span></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-22343154482077891702021-04-27T11:47:00.001-04:002021-04-27T11:52:54.577-04:00Virtual Registries<p><span face="Roboto, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #3c4043; font-size: 0.875rem; letter-spacing: 0.0142857em;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span face="Roboto, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #3c4043; font-size: 0.875rem; letter-spacing: 0.0142857em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhFHAvxhFmugIiHies7wQ8sD5x8KI2hBNiniFtH4vRuj0FA6E-N6gypb2KmsdC_AG1M9eNh71B0ASTf5dQATKP1sioLfAd90IWi6m2aT31sUC6DFFl96D4UMhjAWptT-ggtA5l3Y9PjVQ/s640/stone+phpoto.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhFHAvxhFmugIiHies7wQ8sD5x8KI2hBNiniFtH4vRuj0FA6E-N6gypb2KmsdC_AG1M9eNh71B0ASTf5dQATKP1sioLfAd90IWi6m2aT31sUC6DFFl96D4UMhjAWptT-ggtA5l3Y9PjVQ/w150-h200/stone+phpoto.jpg" width="150" /></a></span></div><span face="Roboto, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #3c4043; font-size: 0.875rem; letter-spacing: 0.0142857em;"><br />Many of our local Probate Courts now have Virtual Registries that allow you to communicate directly with court staff via Zoom to discuss filings or other questions about your case. The Probate Courts are still closed to in-person filing so using the Virtual Registries is a smart way to make sure you have your paperwork in order before you file or to check on your filing. Here are the links:</span><p></p><p><span face="Roboto, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #3c4043; font-size: 0.875rem; letter-spacing: 0.0142857em;">Hampden Probate Court:</span></p><p><a href="https://www.zoomgov.com/j/1600424858" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border-bottom: 1px solid rgba(20, 85, 143, 0.5); box-sizing: inherit; color: #14558f; font-family: "Noto Sans VF", "Noto Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18.3333px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding-bottom: 1px; padding-top: 3px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: border 0.3s ease 0s; word-break: normal;">https://www.zoomgov.com/j/1600424858</a></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 0.2px;"><span face="Roboto, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #3c4043;">Hampshire Probate Court:</span></span></p><p><a href="https://www.zoomgov.com/my/hampshirepf" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border-bottom: 1px solid rgba(20, 85, 143, 0.5); box-sizing: inherit; color: #14558f; font-family: "Noto Sans VF", "Noto Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18.3333px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding-bottom: 1px; padding-top: 3px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: border 0.3s ease 0s; word-break: normal;">https://www.zoomgov.com/my/hampshirepf</a></p><p>Trial Court list of Virtual Registries:</p><p><a href="https://www.mass.gov/info-details/remotevirtual-court-services">https://www.mass.gov/info-details/remotevirtual-court-services</a></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-12632601732277761612021-03-03T15:21:00.001-05:002021-03-03T15:21:33.627-05:00Family Resolution Specialty Court<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX8DN2cxvsSAXJZ2PZDKgTKlfCdVbkJEOuczyk1jL5LTzI5Nd80Rsrm2xsTASf6n-PZgKs-638FeKrRwNYsw9o7QEnId6q01krgSsdwU5nmaCE7OXOZYGYV5Eh_ixntk6Xw2PDSTe5QYI/s2048/IMG_5060.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1555" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX8DN2cxvsSAXJZ2PZDKgTKlfCdVbkJEOuczyk1jL5LTzI5Nd80Rsrm2xsTASf6n-PZgKs-638FeKrRwNYsw9o7QEnId6q01krgSsdwU5nmaCE7OXOZYGYV5Eh_ixntk6Xw2PDSTe5QYI/s320/IMG_5060.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;">Ask me about the Family Resolutions Specialty Court at the Hampshire Probate and Family Court in Northampton, MA. This is a one-of-a-kind court program for families with children going through the divorce or separation process that is based on a team and child-centered approach. </span><p></p>oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-32923128744169497312021-02-19T10:28:00.002-05:002021-02-19T10:28:50.085-05:00Filing Procedure Update from Hampshire County Probate and Family Court- February 2021<p> <br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Hampshire Probate and Family Court</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Notice to the Bar</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">February 2021</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Please see below for guidelines for filing documents in the Hampshire Probate and Family Court. Please click HERE for the Court’s Operating Procedure under Probate and Family Court Standing Order 2-20 for additional information on the Court’s operations during the COVID-19 pandemic.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Filing Methods</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Documents may be filed in the Hampshire Probate and Family Court in one of three ways:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">* E-Filing: Documents may be e-filed for certain case types. Click <a href="https://www.mass.gov/guides/efiling-in-the-probate-and-family-court#-what-case-types-can-be-efiled-in-the-probate-and-family-court?-">HERE</a> to see the types of cases that may be e-filed.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">* Hand Delivery: Documents may be hand delivered to Court. There is a drop box in the entranceway that is available Monday to Friday from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">* Mail: Documents may be mailed to the Court. However, all mail is quarantined for 24 hours prior to processing.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Emergency Filing Methods</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">* Email: Unless you are a Court Service Center staff member or an attorney volunteering through a Lawyer for the Day program on behalf of a self-represented litigant, please do not email documents to the Court absent an emergency. If documents are emailed to the Court due to an emergency, they should be emailed only to hampshireprobate@jud.state.ma.us. They should not be emailed or copied to individual staff members. If the email includes “pictures” of documents, particularly financial statements, the original documents must be submitted to the Court. The “pictures” can be printed, but cannot be scanned into MassCourts.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">* Fax: Documents may be faxed to the Court ONLY in an emergency and when no other filing method is available.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The cover sheet should be labeled “EMERGENCY.”</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Filing Instructions</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Unless noted otherwise, documents should be filed through ONLY one of the methods above (e.g., if documents are e-filed, they should not also be emailed or mailed; if documents are mailed, they should not also be emailed).</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Please include the date of the hearing on your envelope and the front page of each pleading.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Filing Deadlines</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Absent an emergency, all filings must be received by the Court three days prior to the hearing date. The Court may decline to consider documents received after that time. The net effect of having to sort through emails, e-filings, hand-delivered pleadings, and the daily mail is that, occasionally, the “late-filed” pleading does not get matched to the file in sufficient time for the hearing. This results in a hardship to everyone concerned.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Dispute Interventions</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Cases may be referred to the Probation Department for dispute intervention services, which will be conducted remotely. Dispute intervention referrals for matters that are scheduled before the Court, such as motions, contempts, and pre-trial conferences, will occur the business day prior to the scheduled Court hearing. Case management conferences that are scheduled with Probation will occur on the date indicated on the notice.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Please pay close attention to the scheduling notice, as it will provide detailed information regarding whether the case has been referred to Probation, the date of the dispute intervention, and participation instructions.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Questions</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">* Filing Documents: For questions regarding filing documents, please make an appointment by emailing</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">hampshireprobate@jud.state.ma.us with “Appointment” in the subject line. The email should contain the</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">date(s) and time(s) you are available and a brief description of the subject matter. Please include the docket number. Someone from the Registry will contact you during the time indicated in your email. You can also access the Virtual Registry by clicking <a href="https://www.mass.gov/guides/efiling-in-the-probate-and-family-court#-what-case-types-can-be-efiled-in-the-probate-and-family-court?-">HERE</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">* Emergencies: Questions regarding emergencies can be addressed to Noelle Barrist Stern at</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="mailto:noelle.stern@jud.state.ma.us">noelle.stern@jud.state.ma.us</a> or Corey Carvalho at <a href="http://corey.carvalho@jud.state.ma.us.">corey.carvalho@jud.state.ma.us.</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">* Dispute Intervention: Questions regarding dispute intervention can be addressed to the Probation</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Department at 413-586-8503.</div></div>oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-31379410333855475562020-04-27T17:09:00.001-04:002020-04-27T17:09:27.447-04:00COVID-19 update from Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Courts<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="galileo-ap-layout-editor" style="border-collapse: collapse; caret-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-width: 100%; table-layout: fixed; text-size-adjust: auto; width: 100%px;"><tbody>
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The Supreme Judicial Court today<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?f=001DdxxrkDIuYJnB8Tmljp6sjPmii4qMio1nLFe8BsjEcsST8Z7olK1BOvKUWzrHVXPA4rUPJYro_ToGuYxJSwnO1Oz3QPKs_APtkeVfVQf-iLoza03R6m6PnMbR_6cAY93QeDFKJu4phSIde-JgyPWOJZAuuy6OdE6yrZQOvOmni5Orubzflk_BshV7dCeJWlR7l8nStqS2yRRbMIVq8AD4AVHDWJGUoGxSOzpr2D8FdbTdl_SfWW8mHeWfLzczQvIUIgjaPKnj4CeYes8YtlPKA==&c=ZQsaJgOKLNK3SsNyq1xzax-Ojh71btj30x-pGCdZwqVmvX8Jr7fmYg==&ch=BZXfpjA9dhwxJ0oXfs6iGp9XylLBe-A_2eGiIS8XMdISepMiihN0ww==" rel="noopener noreferrer" style="color: #3b3bff; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">issued an updated order</a>, which will be effective May 4, 2020, regarding the operation of Massachusetts state courts and courthouses during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic.</div>
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<b>Under the new order, until at least June 1, 2020, all courts of the commonwealth will continue to be open to conduct court business, but courthouses will continue to be closed to the general public, except where entry is required to address emergency matters that cannot be addressed virtually (by telephone, videoconference, email, or comparable means, or through the electronic filing system).</b></div>
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Jury trials in both criminal and civil cases, in state courts are postponed to a date no earlier than July 1, 2020. All bench trials, in both criminal and civil cases are postponed to a date no earlier than June 1, unless they may be conducted virtually by agreement of the parties and of the court. The new order also extends various deadlines. </div>
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Today’s SJC order also directs Trial Court departments to identify categories of non-emergency matters that they will attempt to address virtually, where it is practicable to do so, and to provide clear guidance to the public and members of the bar regarding what those categories will be by posting periodic notices to the<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?f=001DdxxrkDIuYJnB8Tmljp6sjPmii4qMio1nLFe8BsjEcsST8Z7olK1BIHpZ1eCR_A8v0aFmpd6K5SNP-h42HOZF7BkMH2nQJR-MIVhAyk_a38yeo_gXFG8ou9TcIw2AGVfNU_bMOOYzXNuSs-qzfGgeXmj-oypeRP6vYHnN2gPmVRFyzMTCb17Xrq4O6HnDRafdlKavZN5iHo=&c=ZQsaJgOKLNK3SsNyq1xzax-Ojh71btj30x-pGCdZwqVmvX8Jr7fmYg==&ch=BZXfpjA9dhwxJ0oXfs6iGp9XylLBe-A_2eGiIS8XMdISepMiihN0ww==" rel="noopener noreferrer" style="color: #3b3bff; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">judiciary’s COVID-19 webpage</a>. The SJC and Appeals Court will continue to conduct oral arguments virtually in non-emergency matters.</div>
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All court clerks', registers', and recorders' offices shall continue to conduct court business -- to accept the filing of pleadings and other documents in emergency and identified non-emergency matters, to schedule and facilitate hearings, to issue orders, to answer questions from attorneys, litigants and the general public, and to conduct other necessary business of the respective court. All such business will be conducted virtually, except when the filing of pleadings and other documents in emergency matters cannot be accomplished virtually</div>
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oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-14745150788477735352020-04-23T14:17:00.004-04:002020-04-23T14:21:02.593-04:00Zoom Zoom Zoom<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizednUE6Itf_TLE2RT9NkN5Dcgk5S88SqwbFZaEX0RAi9hzPV2i5CG9blLniphN7-D-W6FVKr28rTssAnCuE1CK2cY2r_me96yak1ndsRFrT5lIQNQBhArwr4C7wsgiID5-KgoXkWiKX8/s1600/fullsizeoutput_2d12.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1091" data-original-width="1600" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizednUE6Itf_TLE2RT9NkN5Dcgk5S88SqwbFZaEX0RAi9hzPV2i5CG9blLniphN7-D-W6FVKr28rTssAnCuE1CK2cY2r_me96yak1ndsRFrT5lIQNQBhArwr4C7wsgiID5-KgoXkWiKX8/s320/fullsizeoutput_2d12.jpeg" width="320" /></a> Who would have thought that the word “Zoom” would take on such different meaning. Some of you may remember the children’s show that started with the song, “We’re gonna Zoom, We’re gonna Zoom, we’re gonna Zooma zooma zooma zoom” That still goes through my head every time I hear the word “zoom.” I love to photograph so I also think of my zoom lens or the zoom in and out button when viewing PDFs. Today though Zoom has become ubiquitous with video-conferencing. While I have in the past resisted conducting mediations via teleconference, today, in the age of COVID-19, it is all I am doing and I have come to appreciate its benefits. I miss the human contact and there is still nothing like meeting in person but I am finding that Zoom mediations have their benefits and I suspect that like a lot of people I will continue to offer it as an option when this pandemic is over.<o:p></o:p></div>
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At present, courts are closed! Currently the courts are not re-opening until May 4<sup>th</sup>. This will likely be extended. The only thing the courts are hearing at present are absolute emergencies. This is presenting huge issues for some people and I expect this will only get worse. There are the normal issues that bring people to the Probate Court, motions for child support, for parenting time, discovery disputes, guardianships and a whole host of other family related matters. COVID 19 will add and already is adding a whole host of new and related issues: parenting issues around COVID-19 and transfer of children from one household to another, differences in vigilance between parents about hand washing, social distancing, etc. and financial issues around loss of jobs, loss of income, decrease in retirement accounts and general uncertainty about the economy. Recently I was working with a family involving issues around not just their separated family but the extended constellation of step-children going back and forth with yet another family unit. Mediation provides a way to address these issues and reach resolution quickly and privately. Not only is it an alternative to court, but at least for now it may be one of the few viable alternatives (assuming parties are not able to resolve it themselves.) <o:p></o:p></div>
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With in-person mediations not happening any time soon, Zoom mediations or mediations using other video-conferencing have become the new normal. Having been now mediating exclusively on Zoom since March, here are some benefits I am seeing:<o:p></o:p></div>
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1. Scheduling is easier. One of the challenges with in-person mediations has always been getting both people in the office at a time that works. With people being confined to their homes, even if they are working remotely, scheduling sessions has been much easier.<o:p></o:p></div>
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2. People are saving time not having to travel to my office. I work with people from all over the valley. I have had clients drive from Springfield, Pittsfield or Worcester to Amherst. Online mediation and using Zoom has made that a non-issue.<o:p></o:p></div>
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3. Although I prefer having people in my office and interacting in person, I am finding that for many people being in separate spaces puts them more at ease. Maybe it is also being in the comfort of their own homes, but I find people more relaxed while using Zoom.<o:p></o:p></div>
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4. There is an efficiency factor when using Zoom. First, I can screen share documents with clients. That includes the Agreement to Mediate, which I have clients sign online. It also includes financial statements and agreements which we can all work on in real time and together. This saves my client time and money.<o:p></o:p></div>
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5. There is a quality I have not yet put my finger on when using Zoom but that feels something like, we are working collaboratively. We have all signed on to the site, we have to talk one at a time and there is a certain order to it which makes the process flow. By virtue of the way the app works, people can only talk one at a time. That is often an issue in mediation. They have no choice with Zoom but to wait until the other person has finished talking.<br />
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6. Although there have been reported concerns about Zoom bombing and confidentiality breaches, I have not experienced any of those issues to date. The Zoom app is very easy to use, whether on phone or computer. I believe Zoom is working on making the app more secure and it may in the future result in having to press three buttons rather than one, but even then I believe that the Zoom platform is extremely easy to use and will continue to be. This is even for the technically challenged.<br />
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I look forward to a time when I can meet my clients in person again. I expect though that when this is over, I will continue to offer Zoom/virtual mediation as an option. In the meantime, I am grateful that I can offer my clients and prospective clients an option to resolve issues. </div>
oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-74703948218726100192020-04-13T16:02:00.002-04:002020-04-19T16:44:29.156-04:00Courts are Closed: Consider Mediation<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
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Consider Mediation, Conciliation or Collaborative representation as an alternative to filing in court and as a way of continuing your case without further delay. Due to the Corona Virus (COVID-19), courts are presently closed until at least May 4, 2020, except for absolute emergencies. There is a good likelihood that even if the courts open in May, there will be significant delays in cases getting heard as courts deal with the backlog and ongoing delays due to COVID-19. Even more than ever, mediation, conciliation and collaborative divorce offers an efficient and cost-effective alternative to the litigation process.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Since March I have been conducting mediations via Zoom and in some cases via telephone. My experience thus far has been universally positive. I believe the same can be said for my clients. I certainly miss the human connection. However, given the alternatives, I have found Zoom mediations and meetings via Zoom to be efficient and technologically very easy. I have not had any problems with security or “Zoom Bombing.” One of the advantages for instance is the ability to share documents and work on documents together in real time. Conducting mediations via Zoom will allow you to move your cases forward from the privacy of your own home ( or as I have seen in some cases, your attic, basement or even car) so that when courts are open, your divorce can be ready to be filed. <a href="https://www.amherstmediators.com/p/contact-us.html" target="_blank">Feel free to reach out to me</a> if you have questions or want to know more. <span style="font-size: 18pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
orankaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14856474600665348694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-13242106058243423322020-04-03T14:14:00.000-04:002020-04-13T15:38:22.452-04:00Tips for parents during the Corona VirusThere are many articles popping up with suggestions for parents about dealing with the COVID-19 crisis. Here is one article. I will be updating this as I find more:<br />
<a href="https://www.mediate.com/articles/Co-ParentingDuringCovid-19.cfm">Co-Parenting During Covid</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.massgeneral.org/children/infectious-diseases/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-coronavirus">https://www.massgeneral.org/children/infectious-diseases/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-coronavirus</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.afccnet.org/Portals/0/COVID19Guidelinesfordivorcedparents.FINAL.pdf?ver=2020-03-17-202849-133">https://www.afccnet.org/Portals/0/COVID19Guidelinesfordivorcedparents.FINAL.pdf?ver=2020-03-17-202849-133</a>oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-66758606415480514112019-12-18T11:23:00.004-05:002019-12-27T14:33:48.265-05:00Is Divorce Mediation Legally Binding?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqtNQ3IQVSnkL3-lptfnWgkOmCDL-UwMvK6vYcm9btbLWoffQfKDhB6bnyNQgc7-2ZjoMU6cj7c9D7zAsd-2Dvb_xm6DOjmd_6-5K6N8ZMjTR_yDiDzpUMxefC1V8EAckA6IRpXLk3oJ4/s1600/acorns+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqtNQ3IQVSnkL3-lptfnWgkOmCDL-UwMvK6vYcm9btbLWoffQfKDhB6bnyNQgc7-2ZjoMU6cj7c9D7zAsd-2Dvb_xm6DOjmd_6-5K6N8ZMjTR_yDiDzpUMxefC1V8EAckA6IRpXLk3oJ4/s320/acorns+2.jpg" width="240" /></a>I hear this question a lot but it is not exactly the right question. Mediation is a voluntary process in which both parties agree to use mediation to help them resolve their dispute. In the case of a divorce, the mediator will help the parties reach an agreement which will then be drafted into a divorce agreement and ultimately presented to the judge for approval.<br />
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<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Let’s go back to the question, “Is Divorce Mediation Legally Binding?” Mediation is different than arbitration. In arbitration, the parties present their dispute to an arbitrator and the arbitrator makes a decision. It is sort of like a trial in front of a private judge. Some arbitrations are binding and some are not. Arbitrations often arise as a result of a contractual provision that requires arbitration in the event of a conflict. The contract will indicate whether the arbitration is binding or not.<br />
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<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Mediation is very different. First, as stated above, mediation is voluntary. Second, the mediator does not make a decision. The mediator’s role is to help the parties discuss the issues and help them reach an agreement. If the parties reach an agreement, the mediator will draft the agreement in a form that the parties can submit to court. In the case of a divorce, the mediator will draft a divorce agreement. In Massachusetts, this is called a “Separation Agreement.” Prior to an agreement being signed by the parties, nothing is binding. Assuming your mediator meets the criteria of the Massachusetts Confidentiality Statute (Massachusetts General Laws chapter 233 section 23c (<a href="https://malegislature.gov/laws/generallaws/partiii/titleii/chapter233/section23c">https://malegislature.gov/laws/generallaws/partiii/titleii/chapter233/section23c</a>) and you have signed a mediation agreement which includes a confidentiality provision, the mediation process and any statements made during mediation are confidential and cannot be used in court. Once the parties have signed the divorce agreement, it becomes a contract and is enforceable as a contract but it is not yet a court order.<br />
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<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span> The parties will then file their divorce agreement with the court. At the parties’ divorce hearing, the judge will go over the terms of the agreement and will ask the parties a series of questions to make sure they both understand the agreement and believe the agreement is fair and reasonable. It is at the point at which the court approves the agreement as part of the parties’ divorce that it becomes truly binding. At that point, the agreement becomes a court order. If a party violates any terms of the agreement, the other party may choose to try and enforce the provision by bringing a Complaint for Contempt.<br />
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oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-60853612584476935282019-10-22T15:10:00.000-04:002019-12-27T14:35:25.800-05:00Postnuptial Agreements- Part I<br />
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A Postnuptial Agreement, sometimes known as a Marital Agreement, is an agreement between two people who are married and are either thinking about divorce but have not yet decided to divorce, or are considering divorce but are hoping that such agreement may help them stay together.<br />
<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Why might you want to consider a Marital Agreement? Here are a few scenarios that may make a Marital Agreement worth considering:<br />
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1.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>You are having marital difficulties. You are not ready to divorce but you want to protect certain assets in case you do get divorced.<br />
2.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>You and your spouse have very different ideas about money. You want to save money and (s)he wants to spend money. The marital agreement is a way that you could possibly protect your savings or insulate you from your spouse’s debt if you get divorced.<br />
3.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>You have decided to divorce, but one of you will lose their health insurance if you divorce, so you stay married to keep the health insurance but you lay out the terms now of what your divorce agreement will look like.<br />
4.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>One of you has family money, you did not enter into a prenuptial agreement, and you want to protect that your premarital family assets in the event of divorce.<br />
5.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>You are happily married and have been so for a long time but you have had a number of friends who have gone though some horrible divorces with some bad results and you want the assurance that this will not happen to you.<br />
6.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>You are not ready to get divorced but you are separating and you want some ground rules around what will happen while you are separated. This might include what happens with accumulated assets or debts during the separation and how you will support the children. It may include a parenting plan, college savings etc.<br />
<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>These are just a few examples of reasons that parties have sought Marital Agreements that I have seen and helped mediate. Essentially, think of a Marital Agreement as similar to a Prenuptial Agreement (done prior to marriage) but, well, post-nuptial, (after and during marriage).<br />
A Marital Agreement is more like a prenuptial agreement than a divorce separation agreement. This is primarily because unlike a divorce separation agreement which is filed with the court and becomes a court order, prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are essentially contracts between the couple. They are not filed with a court and do not become court orders. The idea, however, is that in the event of a divorce, the parties (and hopefully both parties still agree) will ask the court to implement the terms of the Marital Agreement and that becomes the basis for the divorce judgment.<br />
Like most contracts, the Marital Agreement has two main purposes. One is to memorialize what you have agreed to so that in case your memories are different as to what was agreed to, you can refer to the Marital Agreement. The second is for enforcement purposes. That is, if one party does not abide by the agreement, there are legal consequences. Here again, the main difference from a divorce agreement is that the Marital Agreement is not filed with the court and is not a court order. What that means is that if one person does not “comply” with the terms, the other party cannot file a Complaint for Contempt asking the court to find the breaching party in contempt. The consequences of a “breach” of the terms of the Marital Agreement will depend in large part on what terms are contained in the agreement itself. That is, there may be provisions in the agreement about what happens in the event of a breach, including payment of attorney’s fees. If the parties ultimately file for divorce, the remedy would be to try and convince a court to uphold the terms of the Marital Agreement. Short of filing a divorce complaint, the only remaining remedy would be to file either a breach of contract action, a complaint in equity or some other action to enforce the agreement.<br />
<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>There is one more key difference between a Marital Agreement and a divorce agreement. As stated above, a divorce agreement becomes a court order which is final and binding. If one party breaches the terms, he or she can be found to be in contempt of court. Although provisions concerning children are always modifiable in the future, provisions concerning property division are final and not modifiable. So, in a divorce agreement for instance, if you agree to waive the right to your spouse’s retirement at the time of divorce (and the court approves the agreement), once you have done that, that agreement is not modifiable. Even if it later proves to be very unfair.<br />
<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>With a Marital Agreement, there is a second look. Let’s say you agree in your Marital Agreement to each waive the right to each other’s retirement in the event of divorce. Let’s say you stayed married for 10 years after the agreement and now you decide to divorce and one party has retirement assets of $1,000,000.00 and the other has retirement of $20,000.00. When the court is asked to enforce the Marital Agreement, the judge will look at whether the agreement was fair when it was signed and whether it is fair now, 10 years later. If a judge decides it is not fair and reasonable when it is being enforced, the judge can reject that provision.<br />
<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Fortunately, at least in Massachusetts, there have been several cases which clearly lay out the requirements and possible limitations of Marital Agreements. We will explore those cases in the second part of this series.<br />
<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>To summarize, Marital Agreements, despite some limitations, are very useful in at least two important ways: 1) A Marital Agreement can clearly lay out a couple’s understanding of what they agree should happen in the future in the event of divorce; and 2) the Marital agreement can lay out some expectations, ground rules and agreements about how financial matters will be handled during the marriage.<br />
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oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-29320697113481223622019-10-08T14:09:00.000-04:002019-12-27T14:35:49.556-05:00Divorce Mediation Process in a Nutshell<br />
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Amherst Mediation Services<br />
<u>Divorce Mediation Process in a Nutshell</u><br />
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1.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Initial Free Consultation: The mediator and both parties will meet together for an initial free consultation. At this meeting, the mediator will explain the mediation process, discuss fees and cost of mediation, compare mediation with other options and answer questions that either party has about the process or about the mediator.<br />
2.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>While there is no obligation to start the mediation process following the initial consult, we will set aside time that day so that if you want to start that day, you can. Typically, if the mediation starts that day, the mediator will spend between 30-60 minutes with you getting background information about your situation, basic financial information and information about where you are in the process of divorce or separating. You will be sent home that day with some homework.<br />
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3.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Following this initial meeting you will be asked to fill out the court financial statement as well as gather certain documents to make sure that we have all the information we need.<br />
4.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>How many sessions are needed from that point forward and how quickly the process goes is largely in your control. The mediation can take as little as 1-2 more sessions or 5-6 sessions depending on how complicated your situation is and how well the two of you are able to discuss matters outside of the mediation room.<br />
5.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Once an agreement is reached and you have had a chance to review the agreement drafted by the mediator, we will have one final meeting in which we will go over the agreement, review the financial statements and court papers which will have been prepared in advance of the final meeting.<br />
6.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The mediator will not attend the court hearing with you but will prepare you for the hearing at the last meeting. You will receive detailed instructions about filing the paperwork.<br />
7.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>After the last meeting, it is up to you to follow through with filing the court papers, including your financial statements, agreement and filing documents.<br />
8.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>If you have children, you will be required to enroll in a parent education class. This will be necessary before you can get a hearing on your divorce. The mediator will provide you with information about this.<br />
9.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>It is generally recommended that you hand file your paperwork with the court, rather than mail. You do not both need to file the paperwork with the court. Only one of you needs to drop off the papers. Your mediator will go over your paperwork at the final meeting. If the papers are not in order the clerk’s office will likely reject the filing so it is important to make sure the paperwork is correct and complete.<br />
10.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>At the hearing, the judge will go over your agreement and financial statements with you and if everything goes well and as expected, the judge will approve your agreement that day.<br />
11.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>If you filed a joint petition for divorce, the divorce will be final 120 days from when you went to court. You will not however have to go back to court at the end of the 120 days.<br />
12.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>If you are transferring real estate or retirement accounts or any accounts, it is up to you to follow through with this. Your mediator will not be responsible for following up on these issues (this will be discussed at the final meeting).<br />
13.<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span>This is a summary of the process. During your mediation, the mediator will go into a lot more detail about all of these issues. <br />
<div>
<br /></div>
oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-78304417350693799472019-07-24T14:44:00.004-04:002019-07-30T12:50:46.530-04:00Valuation of the Marital Home<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1PtOIGx0SVDZ8qVIfxXCCN39swY5YwmYTjpjpjBZ4piO4fpk3sBQEgXfYZQUNT0FkxwdHwtV3KExLFr1DqMFIxALS0BxCUDCzc-2Sm3HuQiUALr29MS1cIpOG-k5mT1NQEk8lHQ7FqhE/s1600/castle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="428" data-original-width="640" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1PtOIGx0SVDZ8qVIfxXCCN39swY5YwmYTjpjpjBZ4piO4fpk3sBQEgXfYZQUNT0FkxwdHwtV3KExLFr1DqMFIxALS0BxCUDCzc-2Sm3HuQiUALr29MS1cIpOG-k5mT1NQEk8lHQ7FqhE/s320/castle.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are getting divorced and you own your home, one issue
that will certainly need to be addressed is the valuation of your home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The exceptions to this are: 1) If you plan
to sell your home; and 2) if you plan to continue to jointly own the home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s discuss these two options first.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you plan to sell your home in the near future, you will
need to decide on a valuation in order to determine your asking price when the
home is put on the market.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Theoretically, the two of you should be able to agree on this as you
will want to maximize the profit (particularly if the plan is to share the net
proceeds equally.) The only time this sometimes becomes a problem is if one
person is in more of a hurry to sell the house and is willing to sell it at a
lower price<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>just so that the house gets
sold faster. In the alternative, if one person is living in the house, you need
to make sure that the agreement makes provisions for what happens if the house
does not sell immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An important
note here is that you want to be careful of what you include in your divorce
agreement as the agreement is a public document. You do not want to publicize, for
example, what you and your spouse have agreed to as to sale price and potential
future reductions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If this is an issue,
you should consider putting that information in a side agreement that is not
part of your divorce agreement. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you plan to continue to jointly own the house, you will
not necessarily need a current valuation. In most cases like this, the parties
agree that the division of proceeds will occur when the house is sold and will
be based on the actual sales price. There are however a whole set of other
issues when dividing sales proceeds in the future, such as: do you count
contribution one person has made towards paying down the mortgage? What about improvements
made? etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you plan to divide
proceeds of the house in the future based on a future sale, you must be careful
to plan for contingencies such as who pays for repairs, maintenance and
improvements.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If one of you plans to stay in the house and buy out the
other party’s equity, you have several options. First, let’s clarify what “
equity” means. As used here, it usually means the fair market value of the
house minus the outstanding mortgage(s). For example, if the house is worth
$300,000.00 and the mortgage is $150,000, the equity is $150,000.00.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Short of selling the house, the best way to get a “fair
market value” is to hire a certified real estate appraiser. Typically, this
will cost between $350-$500 depending on where you live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Certified real estate appraisers have no
interest in the property or the price arrived at, and must prepare the
evaluation according to accepted criteria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Short of selling the property, hiring a certified real estate appraiser
is the closest you will be able to come to a fair market value.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even so, ultimately it is still someone’s
best guess at a value and it is not unusual to have two appraisers come up with
two different values.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A second option for determining fair market value is to
obtain a “market analysis.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are
typically prepared by a real estate broker and although they may look like a
certified real estate appraisal, they are not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Often brokers will offer a market analysis for free as a way of
establishing a relationship with potential sellers. While a paid certified real
estate appraiser has no interest in the valuation, one could argue that a real
estate broker has some interest in at least establishing a relationship with
the seller.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A market analysis is certainly
useful information and may also be useful for purposes of comparing with
another valuation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another option is to use the tax valuation of your city or
town. Typically, however, this is not a particularly reliable method and is not
the recommended method.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I always suggest that clients look at online sites such as
Zillow.com just to see their valuation, for comparison purposes. I would not
necessarily rely on Zillow but again, it is more information that is free.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finally, there is nothing that requires parties to obtain a
valuation. If the two of you agree on a valuation and both feel comfortable
with that number, you can agree on that number without an outside evaluation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are refinancing, there will be a valuation done by
the bank for the refinance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can rely
on that valuation, although some would argue that an appraisal for a bank loan
is not the same as a certified appraisal conducted solely for the purpose of
obtaining a valuation. And, the timing has to be right. You may want to know what
the “equity” in the house is before deciding to refinance. However, if you cannot
get the appraisal until after you apply for a refinance you have a
conundrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Depending on the timing, a
bank may allow you to use its appraisal company to do the appraisal and the
bank will use that appraisal for the refinance if the appraisal was close in
time (say within 30 days) to the refinance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few other things about establishing a buy-out number for a
house are worth noting. When one person buys out the other party, will you
factor in the cost of a presumptive realtor’s commission? Sometimes this is
done and sometimes it is not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It depends
on the situation, the timing and the parties. It is something that you may want
to raise with your mediator to discuss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If one person is refinancing, do the parties share the cost or is it
paid by the person keeping the house? There is no absolute right or wrong way
to do this and it is often dependent on the situation and the parties.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In conclusion, the valuation of the marital home and
splitting the equity in the home represents one of the most<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>common issues that comes up in divorces. In
addition to the value associated with the home, the sale or division of the
marital home is also very emotional for a lot of people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is thus very important for clients to
fully understand the options around valuation of the home before making a
decision. <o:p></o:p></div>
<h2>
</h2>
oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-17021446521636613162018-12-17T19:33:00.003-05:002019-07-30T12:57:51.975-04:00Even More Conflict Resolution Tips for Divorcing Couples<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLpjJkpzhqQQIWK7Hz1ykEp8hf4a-Z0e4NIzPtnQVAQ3RMncRPPKTdmSnD1PZ_IWAoKQ5lvlCNyu0jM6qh52gK6JJuNTGuUTSV0DiDeSf-77RmS1WuvbkX-NV7PTBZNlkcfX0MsyZ3owM/s1600/fullsizeoutput_2cfa.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLpjJkpzhqQQIWK7Hz1ykEp8hf4a-Z0e4NIzPtnQVAQ3RMncRPPKTdmSnD1PZ_IWAoKQ5lvlCNyu0jM6qh52gK6JJuNTGuUTSV0DiDeSf-77RmS1WuvbkX-NV7PTBZNlkcfX0MsyZ3owM/s320/fullsizeoutput_2cfa.jpeg" width="296" /></a></div>
<b>Even More Conflict Resolution Tips for Divorcing Couples</b><br />
One thing I have learned from my more than 24 years of mediating is that there is always more to learn.<br />
My 2005 article on conflict resolution tips included the following tips:<br />
1. Conduct a conflict self-assessment (i.e.- take your temperature as it relates to conflict).<br />
2. Normalize conflict (i.e.: conflict happens every day).<br />
3. Conflict is an opportunity.<br />
4. Listen, and<br />
5. Think about what you would like the process to look like when you look back on it years from now. <br />
<br />
See the full article at: <a href="https://mediate.com/articles/kaufmano1.cfm">https://mediate.com/articles/kaufmano1.cfm</a>.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
In “More Conflict Resolution Tips”, written in 2013, I added the following to the list:<br />
6. Change your expectations (i.e.: expect bumps in the road).<br />
7. Adverse positions are normal and should not be the death knell of the process.<br />
8. Attorneys are not the enemy (i.e.- the right attorneys can help the process tremendously), and<br />
9. Even though it may take work, make the decisions today (i.e.: if possible- don’t kick the can down the road).<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.mediate.com/articles/KaufmanO6.cfm">https://www.mediate.com//articles/KaufmanO6.cfm#</a><br />
<br />
In this article, I would like to add some more tips and modify and expand on several previous ones. Here are a few more tips to add to the ever-expanding list:<br />
<br />
1. Give yourself the time you need.<br />
2. Take care of yourself/listen to what your inner voice is telling you.<br />
3. Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish (you have spent a lot of time and money and now are stuck- don’t throw it away).<br />
4. Imagine yourself looking at the mediation through a one-way mirror- or imagine your children seeing the mediation – how does it look and how would you like it to look?<br />
5. Just as an exercise, try and put emotions aside for a moment and do a cost benefit analysis.<br />
6. Find someone you can talk to about the emotional part as well as the financial.<br />
<br />
Let me expand briefly on each of the above.<br />
<br />
1. <b>Give yourself the time you need</b>. <br />
Rushed decisions are often bad decisions. There are many pressures on people when they divorce. Maybe you’re contemplating selling a house, buying a house, which school will your children attend and on and on. These are lifelong decisions the impact of which will be felt for a long time. Like any other major decision in your life, take the time necessary to consider the decision and the consequences. Do your research. Consult with your lawyer, friends, accountants or anyone else who you trust to give you a rational perspective. If your spouse is rushing things, then in mediation talk about the pace and why it is important to you to take the time. The pace of mediation is often an issue of contention. It is therefore important to make sure your spouse knows that you are not dragging your feet to slow the process down but rather you need the time to consider the issues. If you are already in court and you feel rushed by the court process, almost any judge I know will gladly give you more time and continue a pre- trial conference or status conference if the judge knows that you are actively engaged in mediation and the additional time will help reach an agreement.<br />
<br />
2<b>. Take care of yourself.</b><br />
Divorce is an anxiety producing process. In addition to life’s normal complexities, you are adding on just about every major life decision to the mix- kids, the house, your retirement, health insurance, taxes, life insurance and the list goes on. It is particularly important during this process that you take care of yourself. By that I mean, take care of the basics: get sleep, eat, try and have some fun and exercise. All those things that are important when life is “normal” are doubly important when you are going through the stress of divorce.<br />
<br />
3. <b>Don’t be penny wise and pound-foolish.</b><br />
Imagine the following not so unusual scenario. You have spent $2,500.00 on your mediation, you have settled 95% of the issues and you reach a stumbling block. You cannot agree on who to name as the life insurance beneficiary. You want to name your sister and your husband insists that he should be the beneficiary. You have resolved all the tough issues and for some reason this one remains. Maybe you have left the most difficult issue for last or maybe resolving this means you are done and taking that leap is too scary. In any event, I can pretty confidently say that it makes no sense financially and otherwise to terminate mediation and turn it over to lawyers because you cannot resolve that issue. The financial and emotional costs are likely to be very high. Despite this, I see people doing this repeatedly (or at least contemplating it).<br />
<br />
This same situation manifests itself in other common ways. For instance, a divorcing couple argues over a few dollars or something financially insignificant because it is “a matter of principle.” This can manifest itself in many ways- “I will agree to nothing less than 50/50 custody!” or, “I was the custodial parent during the marriage and I insist that I have to be the custodial parent post marriage.” If you are at the point where this might be happening, I suggest reviewing some of the other tips here and in previous articles as a way to help you move forward and finish the process effectively. Arguing over “principle” can be a very dangerous and expensive proposition.<br />
<br />
4. <b>Imagine yourself looking at the mediation through a one-way mirror.</b><br />
Sometimes I wonder if it would make a difference if the couple I am working with could just watch themselves through a one-way mirror. On the one hand I appreciate that they feel safe enough to not hesitate to express how they feel. That’s a good thing. On the other hand, I think if people were able to see themselves as an outsider they might be horrified. Maybe more effective than imagining a one-way mirror is for clients to think about how would this look to their children if they were watching. Of course I am not suggesting that this be done. However, I might ask clients who are fighting to think about how it would feel to their children if they saw them fighting. Even if they are not actively fighting in from of their children (hopefully) it trickles down. Kids feel it and if affects them. Is this enough incentive to look for a way to resolve the conflict?<br />
<br />
5. <b>Do a cost benefit analysis</b>.<br />
At the end of the day, most of the divorce agreement (with the exception of parenting issues) revolves around financial decisions. The problem and challenge is that this isn’t just a business deal. There are multiple layers of emotions involved. The ultimate agreement however should be based on a rational financial analysis. If it is emotionally based- i.e. revenge, guilt, anger, fear- there will inevitably be problems down the road. At some point in the process, when final decisions need to be made, a simple cost benefit analysis is extremely useful. What are the costs of not settling? What are the benefits of settling? Write them out and sit with it for a while.<br />
<br />
6. <b>Find someone to talk with.</b><br />
Not much elaboration needed here. Having someone you trust that you can talk about this with is critical. It may be that you talk with one person about the financial and one person about the emotional. The only caveat I would make here is to be careful about not confusing support and a good sounding board with someone who gives you legal advice who has no business giving you legal advice. It is not uncommon that clients come in and tell me they have reached an agreement about something and when I ask how they arrived at the agreement, I find out that it was based on some incorrect legal information/advice they received from a relative or friend That aside, having someone with whom you can discuss the process is invaluable.<br />
<br />
If I was to summarize the above or find a thread that runs through these suggestions, it is that while going through the mediation process, take a step back, take a breath, literally and figuratively and give yourself the time and space needed to make some very important decisions. Finally, stay in control. Don’t let other people, such lawyers, friends, family or the court, hijack the process. This is your life and your decisions. Make sure you are ultimately in control of making those decisions. <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaagIeUPaek8QYrq_GmKUicpJphwP6VlbcBkY6rLgZq-4fFk5e7KwHL2b040xBc3w1U_HUr-n6s-6lzMrjovXu-_LKxktGu3UIaVWsYYWFMoXf_aq7Zm8GVJok7TMYkTuURbPkgzxzgq4/s1600/fullsizeoutput_2d0c.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1065" data-original-width="1600" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaagIeUPaek8QYrq_GmKUicpJphwP6VlbcBkY6rLgZq-4fFk5e7KwHL2b040xBc3w1U_HUr-n6s-6lzMrjovXu-_LKxktGu3UIaVWsYYWFMoXf_aq7Zm8GVJok7TMYkTuURbPkgzxzgq4/s320/fullsizeoutput_2d0c.jpeg" width="320" /></a></b></div>
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">1</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Do both
parties need to fill out a financial statement?</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes. Both parties must fill out the financial
statement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People often ask if they can
simply fill out one financial statement if they agree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The answer is a definitive no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether parties have an agreement or not,
they each must fill out the financial statement. The reasons for this are
discussed further below.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">2</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Do the
financial statements have to be done weekly or can they be done on a monthly
basis?</b> The financial statements must be done on a weekly basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the cause of more confusion and
frustration than almost anything else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The forms ask for weekly income and weekly expenses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The frustration is understandable as most
people do not manage their finances on a weekly basis. To get to a weekly
number if you are going from monthly to weekly, divide by 4.32, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">not by 4.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a very common mistake. The other
option is to multiply by 12 and divide b<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">y
52.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">3.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Why do
we need to fill out the financial statement anyway</b>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another variation of this is “do we need to
fill out a financial statement?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
are four primary reasons why the financial statements are required. First, it is
a way to make sure that each party sets out a full and accurate representation
of their finances signed under the pains and penalties of perjury.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Secondly, it is a way to make sure that each
party is fully informed about the other party’s finances and thus the agreement
is based on full information. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(This of
course assumes that the parties have exchanged financial statements before
signing a divorce agreement which they should absolutely do). Third, it allows
a judge to get a full picture of each of the parties’ finances on a form that
judges see every day and a form that is uniform. Finally, it essentially
requires parties to create a budget.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Particularly
if there are issues of child support or alimony, the financial statements require
parties to calculate their expenses and income so that they can see on paper
whether they have a weekly deficit or excess.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How important is the financial statement</b>?
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The simple answer is that it is
extremely important. Next to the divorce agreement it is the most important
document the parties will file in a divorce case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is important that the financial statement
accurately reflects the parties’ income, expenses, assets and liabilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a party misrepresents an asset on a
financial statement, it could be grounds for reopening the divorce later if it
is discovered that information was not accurate or true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is also signed under the pains and
penalties of perjury so if a party misrepresents something on the financial
statement they are subject to a claim that they committed perjury.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">5.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Can we
submit our tax return instead of the Rule 410 Financial statement?</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No. The financial statements are required in
every case. Tax returns are not required. In fact, if the parties have an
agreement, the judge will not request the parties’ tax return and will not
likely see their tax returns. The judge will review the parties’ agreement and financial
statements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition, while tax
returns may be evidence of a parties’ income they do not show expenses, assets
or liabilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">6.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Why
are the financial statements on pink paper?</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Short form financial statements should be completed on pink paper and
long form financial statements should be completed on purple paper. I don’t
think there is any particular reason for those colors but the reason they are
on colored paper is that financial statements filed with the court are
impounded. That means that they are kept separately from the rest of the divorce
file including divorce agreements. The divorce file, including agreements are
open to the public. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Financial statements
are not. So, having them on colored papers makes it easier to easily pick them
out of the file to make sure they are in fact kept separate.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">7.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Do
Rule 401 financial statements need to be notarized?</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Interestingly enough long form financial
statement needs to be notarized. The short form financial statement does not
need to be notarized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both forms however
need to be signed under the pains and penalties of perjury by the party.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">8</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Are we
going to need to fill out the financial statement more than once?</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most likely, you will need to fill out the financial
statements more than once. While in mediation, it is important that each party
has a financial statement filled out and exchanged with each other. This is so
that all the financial information is clear and open to the other party to
explore.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>The likelihood is though that the
financial statements will need to be filled out at least one more time and
possibly more times. Depending on how much time goes by between the beginning
of mediation and the end, if there have been significant changes in finances, a
revised financial statement will need to be completed. A signed financial
statement will be filed with the court when the divorce papers are filed with
the court. Typically, there is a 30- 45-day lag (or more depending on the
court) between when the papers are filed and the hearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The judge is typically going to want to see a
financial statement that is signed and dated on the day of the hearing. This is
to avoid a scenario where there have been major changes between when the papers
were filed and the hearing date that are not reflected on the financial
statements. Sometimes, a judge will simply ask clients to initial and re-date
the financial statements they already filed (if there are no changes).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">9.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do we need to fill in information about our
assets and liabilities if we have already agreed that we are each keeping what
is in our name</b>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Regardless of your agreement, the financial
statement must be filled out in full. As discussed above, the reasons for this
is that it insures that each party has made a full disclosure of his/her
finances and that each has full information about the other’s finances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, even if you have decided that you will
each keep your own retirement accounts, it is important that you list the
accounts. This way the judge knows that you each know what you are waiving and
keeping and it allows the judge to have information necessary to determine if
the agreement is fair and reasonable.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><u>HOW TO COMPLETE THE SHORT FORM FINANCIAL STATEMENT IN
MASSACHUSETTS</u></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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First, here is the link to the Massachusetts Probate and
Family Court’s Website where you can download a PDF version of the Short Form
Financial Statement:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://www.mass.gov/info-details/child-support-guidelines-court-forms">https://www.mass.gov/info-details/child-support-guidelines-court-forms</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Please note that while the form that can be downloaded from
this site will add up and total numbers listed, it cannot be saved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Court instructions for filling out the
financial statement can be found at:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://www.mass.gov/how-to/file-the-short-financial-form">https://www.mass.gov/how-to/file-the-short-financial-form</a><span class="MsoHyperlink">.</span><u><span style="color: blue; mso-themecolor: hyperlink;"><o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
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My office will provide you with an <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">excel </b>version of this form that can be saved and that has all of
the additional schedules, like Schedule A and Schedule B, as well as the explanatory
notes page.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here are a few additional tips:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->I generally recommend that clients not include
their full <u>social security number</u>. It is generally not necessary and
with the amount of cyber crime happening, I think it is better to not have your
social security number floating around unless absolutely necessary. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><u>Gross pay</u>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are a salaried employee this section
is straightforward. Simply look at your paystub and include your gross weekly
pay. Remember that the form is weekly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you get paid every two weeks, make sure to divide by 2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If paid monthly, divide by 4.32.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->If you are <u>self- employed</u>, you will need
to fill out a Schedule A. See more about that below.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are doing the financial statement on
the excel form, once you fill out the schedule A, it will fill in your adjusted
gross income on line 2d of page 1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you are doing it by hand, you will need to fill in that number after finishing
schedule “A”.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->If you receive <u>bonuses,</u> the best way to
handle those is to include the total bonuses for the year and divide by 52. If
your bonuses change from year to year, you can either include what you have
received to date for that year or what you received for the prior year. In any
event, you should include a notation that explains what you have done in the “Explanatory
notes” page. (see below).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->There is a page called “<u>Explanatory Notes</u>”
on the excel version of the financial statement. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b>More explanation is better
than less. Anywhere on the financial statement where you feel you need to
explain something, you should err on the side of explaining it on the
“Explanatory Notes” page and referencing the item number you are referring to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So for example if you receive a bonus, I
would include the amount on page one with and asterisk. On the explanatory page
you can reference the line number and include a note such as,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ This was my total bonus for 20??.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My bonuses change every year and I do not
typically receive the bonus until December.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Similar to self-employment, if you have <u>rental
property</u>, you will need to fill out a schedule B. See below.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Page 2-You should be able to obtain your federal
and state tax deductions off of your paystub. If you are self-employed and pay
estimated taxes, you will need to either estimate or look at your tax returns
to determine how much tax you paid.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->If you have employer provided medical insurance,
include the cost in #3(d).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you do
that, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">do not then also include it in
8(m) below</b>. This is a very common mistake. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Once you have included all of your deductions,
you should end up with a net weekly income. This is essentially your “take home
pay”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is an important number to know
as it tells us what is left after all your deductions and what you have left to
pay the expenses listed below that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not forget to include your income from last
year and the number of years you have paid into social security.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can get that by getting a statement at <a href="http://www.ssa.gov/">www.ssa.gov</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">11.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The expense section is often the most
difficult to fill out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First, it is calculated
on a weekly basis and most people do not keep records weekly. Remember to
divide by 4.32 if you are going from monthly to weekly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always tell people to do the best they can
when filling this out. There is not an expectation that it will be accurate to
the penny. It is important to have it be as realistic as possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some items will be easier than others. Rent
or mortgage will be the same each week. Some bills and expenses may need to be averaged
over the course of a month or year. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some
expenses (like heat) vary by time of year so in that case, take the whole year
and average it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Food costs also vary so
you should average those costs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">12.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will see that the expenses listed on the
short form are by no means a comprehensive list of expenses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You should not hesitate to list additional
expenses on the “additional expense sheet”. For example, the form does not
include such basic things as haircuts, newspapers, birthdays, entertainment,
internet, cell phone, lawncare etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try
to be as accurate as possible. If your expenses exceed your income on the form,
don’t worry. That is not uncommon and it is recognized that you are estimating
to some extent.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">13.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->One
very common question is what to do if you are still living together? In other
words, do you indicate current expenses and split them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I generally recommend that if possible,
assuming the couple does not in fact plan to continue to live together after
the divorce, the parties should anticipate and project what their expenses will
be living apart. If one person plans to stay in the house, he or she should
list the house expenses as though they were paying them fully. The person
moving out should project what the cost will be of a new apartment or
house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This gives you an idea for what
your budgets will be living apart which is important information when trying to
agree on a child support or alimony amount or how to share child expenses after
the divorce.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">14.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->#9-
<u>Counsel Fees-</u> If you have paid a retainer to an attorney, list it here.
Do not include your mediator’s fees here.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">15.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Page
3 of the short form is devoted to <u>asset and debts.</u> My general rule of
thumb is if an asset is jointly owned, you should both list it on each of your
statements and list the full amount rather than half. I think this is less
confusing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If an asset is individually
owned, it should only be listed on the statement of the person whose name the
asset is in.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">16.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Initially,
if you do not know the value of the home or car, it is ok to estimate.
Eventually, when the financial statement is signed and filed with the court,
you will need to include as accurate a number as possible. You may need to go
to a site such as KBB.com to determine your vehicle’s value.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may need to get a real estate appraisal
to determine the value of your house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This will be discussed in the mediation session.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rest of the asset and debt section is
pretty self-explanatory. Here however are a few other tips and common mistakes
that you should be aware of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not
include full account numbers (for same reason that I suggest you not include
full social security number.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
have a term life insurance policy (8e), those generally have no cash value. Do
not put the death benefit on this line. Line 8(e) is intended for whole life or
universal life type policies that have a cash value.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have already listed the mortgage or
equity line in #10 or listed a car loan on 10(b), do not list those again under
the Liability section in number 11.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">17.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have a defined contribution retirement
like a 401K or 403B, list the current value. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have a defined benefit pension like a
state pension, union pension or federal government pension, you will need to
determine the value by obtaining a present value calculation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask your mediator about that as this is
beyond the scope of this article.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">18.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><u>Schedule
“A”-</u> This schedule is not included in the court form which the state
website provides.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The court provides the
form but it is not integrated into the short form so you will need to fill it
out and then include the number on page 1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you are using the excel form that I will provide you with, Schedule “A”
will be integrated with the rest of the financial statement. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Schedule “A” is similar to Schedule “C” of
your federal tax return. You cannot simply attach your schedule “C” however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The easiest way to think about schedule “A”
is it represents your gross receipts minus legitimate business expenses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Make sure to not duplicate expenses from page
2 and your business expenses. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">19.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Schedule
B is the form which lists your <u>rental income</u>. Once you do the calculations
on Schedule B, the final number which is your income after expense will be
listed on page1.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">20.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are some final thoughts about the
financial statement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the
challenges and confusing aspects of it is that sometimes it calls for current
numbers and sometimes it calls for prospective numbers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it calls for actual numbers, like
your monthly rent, and sometimes it is an average, like your weekly food
bill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, the form calls for
actual monthly, like automobile insurance, and sometimes it requires that you
average costs over the year because expenses change month to month, like heat.
The form does not include a comprehensive list of expenses so it requires you
to think of other expenses that may not be listed. And, the form is a moving
target.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The financial statement may
change as the mediation progresses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
will likely have to prepare it at least twice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, on the one hand, when it comes to expenses, I always tell my clients
to do the best they can but not to stress out about absolutely precise
numbers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With respect to assets and liabilities
though, the numbers need to be precise and accurate. The assets and liabilities
listed on your financial statement need to be consistent with what is listed in
your agreement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words, if you
list an asset on your financial statement, it should be addressed in your
agreement. If you address an asset in your agreement, it should be listed on
your financial statement.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />orankaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14856474600665348694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-29461305764214853632018-10-29T13:27:00.000-04:002019-07-30T12:52:22.306-04:00What Should You Ask Your Mediator at the First Session?At my initial free consultations, I usually start by giving potential
clients an overview of the mediation process, a little bit of background about
me and my philosophy about family law and mediation. At some point I will turn
to the clients and ask if they have any questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am often surprised that prospective clients
have no questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It could be that I
have done such a comprehensive and fantastic job explaining the process that
they truly feel they have all the information they need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t really think that is it though. Maybe
they have already done all the research they need. Sometimes I think that the
process is so overwhelming that clients may simply be distracted and not know
what to ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For most people it is their
first time divorcing and they do not know where to start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally, sometimes clients have been referred
by people, they are not shopping around and have come in to the initial session
knowing that they plan to hire me. Sometimes, in those situation, clients save
their questions for after we officially get started.<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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What I offer below is some thoughts and ideas of questions
that may be helpful to ask at your initial consultation with your mediator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A free initial consultation is an opportunity
to get to know your potential mediator and make sure that you are making the
right decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This person is going to
help guide you in making some of the most important decisions of you life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Due diligence is not just important, it is
critical.<o:p></o:p></div>
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1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First, hopefully
you will have determined before the first session if the initial consultation
is free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I covered this in a previous
blog post. (see<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://www.amherstmediators.com/2017/10/free-initial-consultation.html">https://www.amherstmediators.com/2017/10/free-initial-consultation.html</a>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In short, some mediators charge for the initial
session and some don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not charge
for an initial session. I see it as an opportunity for the clients to make sure
they feel comfortable with me as the mediator and for me to make sure that the
case is appropriate for mediation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are a number
of questions which are important to ask but which will inevitably fall into the
“it depends” category.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While it is not
within the scope of this article to answer the questions posed below, please
refer to previous blog articles which discuss the questions in substance.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>a.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>How long will it take?</u><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This question has two parts. First is, how
long will the mediation itself take and second is how long will the divorce
action take?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>b. Related
to the first question is <u>how much will it cost?</u><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How long the process lasts and how much it
costs are the two most common questions. (For a substantive discussion of these
questions- see <a href="https://www.amherstmediators.com/2017/02/more-frequently-asked-questions-that.html">https://www.amherstmediators.com/2017/02/more-frequently-asked-questions-that.html</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Do you meet at
regular intervals, (say for instance every two weeks) or is the scheduling
based on the individual needs and schedules of the clients?</u> Mediators have
different approaches to this issue. Some will meet at prescribed intervals and
some will leave it to the clients to determine the pace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are pros and cons to each approach but
you should think about your situation and what would work best for you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Does the
mediator take a retainer or do clients pay as they go</u>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a very important question that may
have an impact on whether you choose a particular mediator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find that many clients that I deal with are
struggling financially.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many clients
come into mediation already in debt and now having two households is another
additional burden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have clients for
whom the pace of the mediation (i.e.- how often we meet) depends on whether
they have the money to pay for the session.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One of the advantages of mediation over litigation is that it is almost
always cheaper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If clients have to come
up with a $2,500.00 or $5,000.00 retainer at the beginning of the mediation,
they simply may not have the ability to come up with that much up front.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, for instance, ask clients to pay at the
end of every session but they pay as they go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(I ask for a small retainer of $300.00 which is used for drafting and
time spent outside of the actual mediation).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I find that having clients pay as they go makes it affordable for
clients and keeps them in control of the cost.<o:p></o:p></div>
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5.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Will the
mediator draft the ultimate agreement</u>? If the parties reach an agreement,
will the mediator draft it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This may
seem like a question with an obvious answer but in fact, not all mediators will
draft a divorce agreement and not all mediators can draft a divorce
agreement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the mediator is not an
attorney, then the mediator cannot draft a divorce agreement as it could be
seen as the unauthorized practice of law. Non-lawyer mediators often draft
agreements called a “Memorandum of Understanding”. There are also lawyer
mediators who choose to help clients reach an agreement but choose to not draft
the agreement. This means the clients then need to hire their own lawyers (or
have their current lawyers) draft the agreement.<o:p></o:p></div>
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6.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Will the
mediator draft the court papers?</u><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I first started mediating in 1994, I left my initial training with
the impression that it was not appropriate to draft court papers for clients.
As I started mediating more, I quickly encountered the common situation where
the parties had reached an agreement but now discovered that they needed to
either hire a lawyer or draft the court papers on their own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While preparing the court papers is not
tremendously complicated, for clients in the midst of the anxiety of the
divorce, it was just one more thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Although I give clients the choice of either my drafting the court
papers or their drafting the paperwork and saving a little money, almost 100%
of the time, clients have me draft the paperwork.<o:p></o:p></div>
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7.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Will the
mediator go to court with the parties</u>?<o:p></o:p></div>
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8.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Will the
mediator tell the parties what is a fair agreement</u>? Another way to ask this
question is “What is the role of the mediator?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is a critical question that goes to the heart of the approach that
the mediator will take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are some
mediators who see themselves as more directive and some mediators consider
themselves facilitative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A directive
mediator will give you his or her opinion on what is fair or what a court might
do. A mediator who is a facilitative mediator will help the parties reach an
agreement, discuss the issues, explore options but will not tell the parties
what he or she thinks the parties should do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I spend a fair amount of time discussing this with clients.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a facilitative mediator. I will not tell
clients what I think is fair because ultimately my goal is for them to reach an
agreement based on what they think is fair- not what I think is fair. My
conception of fair is based on my world views and biases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My goal is to make sure they have all the
information they need to make an informed decision.<o:p></o:p></div>
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9.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The corollary to
the above question is <u>will the mediator tell the parties if she thinks the
agreement is not fair?</u> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a complex
question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition to my goal of
making sure they have all the information they need to make an informed
decision, I want to make sure that when they go to court, things will go
smoothly and the judge will approve their agreement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I think they are agreeing to something
which may lead to a problem with the judge approving the agreement, I will
discuss it with the clients. How did they arrive at the decision? Do they
understand it? Do they believe it is fair?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t see it as my job to change their minds but I do see it as my job
to make sure they are not under some misunderstanding of the law or facts and I
want to make sure that their rationale is sound.<o:p></o:p></div>
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10. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Other than
court papers, will the parties need anything else that would require drafting
or lawyers and how much will that cost?</u><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The answer to this depends on the individual situation. There may need
to be deeds drafted, Qualified Domestic Relations Orders drafted and there will
be a cost for these. Find how in advance how the mediator will handle this?
Will the mediator draft the QDRO or Deed if those are necessary?<o:p></o:p></div>
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11.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>How well does
the mediator know the particular court that your divorce will be filed in?</u><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This could be extremely helpful and
important. I have had situations where timing for filing the divorce was
critical because a party was moving out of state.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was able to call the right person at the
court and obtain a date in short order and the clients were able to process
their divorce before one of the parties moved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Different courts have different processes. It is helpful if the mediator
knows those individual idiosyncrasies so that the clients are prepared when
they appear before the court.<o:p></o:p></div>
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12.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Are there any
downsides to using mediation</u>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
are always pros and cons to every decision you make. Talk to your mediator
about what he or she thinks are the pros and cons of the mediation
process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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13.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Should I have
my own lawyer? </u><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always encourage
clients to speak to their own lawyer. This is important to talk to the mediator
about. Some mediators will not take the mediation if clients do not have
lawyers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk with your mediator about
the role/or non-role of lawyers in the process.<o:p></o:p></div>
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14.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Does the
mediator meet with clients individually?</u> This is another area that
mediators approach very differently. Talk to your mediator about how they
approach individual meetings and think about what is important for you on this
front.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See <a href="https://www.amherstmediators.com/2016/07/neutrality-and-transparency.html">https://www.amherstmediators.com/2016/07/neutrality-and-transparency.html</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Questions you may be tempted to ask but which I don’t
recommend?<o:p></o:p></div>
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1. What is your success rate? <o:p></o:p></div>
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2. Do you keep track of what percentage of cases settle?<o:p></o:p></div>
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3. What do you think is fair?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The reason
I don’t recommend the above questions is a whole article in itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe a better question for the mediator
would be, “How do you define success?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is precisely because I do not believe there is just one answer to the
question that I don’t like the question of what is my success rate, and why I
do not keep a track record or batting average of cases settled.</div>
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There are some obvious questions which may or may not be
important to you and which probably apply to any situations where you are
hiring someone, like<o:p></o:p></div>
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1. How many years have you been mediating?<o:p></o:p></div>
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2. What percentage of your practice is mediation?<o:p></o:p></div>
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3. What percentage of your practice is family law?<o:p></o:p></div>
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4. Are you involved on a local, state or national level with
any mediation organizations?<o:p></o:p></div>
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5.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Outside of your
private practice, in what other ways are you involved in mediation?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you on any statewide committees?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you teach or train mediators? Have you
published articles on family mediation topics?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I find that clients rarely ask me these questions. It may be
that in this age of the internet, most of the answers to those questions could
be found on the web or the mediator’s website. If the mediator does not have a
website it may be useful to ask some of these questions to get an idea of the
background and breadth of knowledge of the mediator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In general though, I find that other than the
basic questions discussed at the beginning of this article, most clients are
going to use the initial meeting to get a feel and a gut sense for the
mediator.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<u>The questions which you should be asking yourself are:<o:p></o:p></u></div>
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1. Do I feel comfortable with this mediator?<o:p></o:p></div>
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2. Do I feel like this mediator has integrity?<o:p></o:p></div>
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3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I feel like
this mediator will be fair and balanced and maintain integrity in the process?<o:p></o:p></div>
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4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Based on what I
have heard, do I have any concerns about the mediation process in general?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Ultimately, both parties to the divorce action need to be
comfortable with the mediator. Sometimes one is comfortable and the other is
not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You should feel comfortable that
the mediator is skilled, knowledgeable, competent, experienced and has the
temperament that works for you. While it may be tempting to base the decision
on whether you feel like you can influence the mediator to take your side or
like you more or believe in you more, the real test should be, do you feel this
mediator is knowledgeable, experienced, skilled, able to maintain neutrality,
professionalism and does he or she provide a safe space to discuss sometimes
difficult issues?<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-46269311464390737582018-10-10T14:31:00.000-04:002019-07-30T12:56:29.794-04:00Even More Conflict Resolution Tips<br />
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<br /></div>
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It’s hard to believe that I wrote the first in this series
called Conflict Resolution Tips for Divorcing Couples in 2005.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://mediate.com/articles/kaufmano1.cfm">https://mediate.com/articles/kaufmano1.cfm</a>. More Conflict Resolution Tips was written in 2013. <a href="https://www.mediate.com/articles/KaufmanO6.cfm">https://www.mediate.com//articles/KaufmanO6.cfm#</a></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
Despite the 24 years I have been mediating, I keep learning from
almost every mediation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
In the first article the tips boiled down to:<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Conduct a conflict self-assessment (i.e.- take
your temperature as it relates to conflict).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Normalize conflict (i.e.: conflict happens every
day).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Conflict is an opportunity.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Listen, and<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Think about what you would like the process to
look like when you look back on it years from now.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
In “More Conflict Resolution Tips” I added the following to
the list:<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Change your expectations (i.e.: expect bumps in
the road).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Adverse positions are normal and should not be
the death knell of the process.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Attorneys are not the enemy (i.e.- the right
attorneys can help the process tremendously), and<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Even though it may take work, make the decisions
today (i.e.: if possible- don’t kick the can down the road).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
In this article, I would like to add some more tips and
modify and expand on several previous ones. Here are a few more tips to add to
the ever-expanding list:<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Give yourself the time you need;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Take care of yourself/listen to what your inner
voice is telling you;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish (you have
spent a lot of time and money and now are stuck- don’t throw it away);<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Imagine yourself looking at the mediation
through a one way mirror- or imagine your children seeing the mediation – how
does it look and how would you like it to look?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Just as an exercise, try and put emotions aside
for a moment and do a cost benefit analysis;<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Find someone you can talk to about the emotional
part as well as the financial.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<br />
Let me expand briefly on each of
the above.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1 1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><u>Give yourself the time you need.</u> <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Rushed decisions
are often bad decisions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are many
pressures on people when they divorce. Maybe you’re contemplating selling a
house, buying a house, which school will your children attend and on and
on?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are lifelong decisions the
impact of which will be felt for a long time. Like any other major decision in
your life, take the time necessary to consider the decision and the
consequences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do your research. Consult
with your lawyer, friends, accountants or anyone else who you trust to give you
a rational perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If your spouse
is rushing things, then in mediation talk about the pace and why it is
important to you to take the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
pace of mediation is often an issue of contention. It is therefore important to
make sure your spouse knows that you are not dragging your feet to slow the
process down but rather you need the time to consider the issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are already in court and you feel
rushed by the court process, almost any judge I know will gladly give you more
time and continue a pre- trial conference or status conference if the judge
knows that you are actively engaged in mediation and the additional time will
help reach an agreement.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><u>Take care of yourself</u>.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Divorce
is an anxiety producing process. In addition to life’s normal complexities, you
are adding on just about every major life decision to the mix- kids, the house,
your retirement, health insurance, taxes, life insurance and the list goes on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is particularly important during this
process that you take care of yourself. By that I mean, the basics, get sleep,
eat, try and have some fun and exercise. All those things that are important when
life is “normal” are doubly important when you are going through the stress of
divorce.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><u>Don’t be penny wise and pound-foolish</u>.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Imagine
the following not so unusual scenario. You have spent $2,500.00 on your
mediation, you have settled 95% of the issues and you reach a stumbling
block.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You cannot agree on who to name
as the life insurance beneficiary. You want to name your sister and your
husband wants you to name him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have
resolved all the tough issues and for some reason this one remains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe you have left the most difficult for
last or maybe resolving this means you are done and taking that leap is too scary.
In any event, I can pretty confidently say that it makes no sense financially
and otherwise to terminate mediation and turn it over to lawyers because you
cannot resolve that issue. The financial and emotional costs are likely to be
very high.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite this, I see people
doing this repeatedly (or at least contemplating it).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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This same situation manifests
itself in other common ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
instance, a divorcing couple argues over a few dollars or something financially
insignificant because it is “a matter of principle.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This can manifest itself in many ways- “I will
agree to nothing less than 50/50 custody!” or, “I was the custodial parent
during the marriage and I insist that I have to be the custodial parent post
marriage.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are at the point where
this might be happening, I suggest reviewing some of the other tips here and in
previously articles as a way to help you move forward and finish the process
effectively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Arguing over “principle”
can be a very dangerous and expensive proposition.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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4. <u>Imagine yourself looking at
the mediation through a one-way mirror.</u><o:p></o:p><br />
<u><br /></u></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Sometimes
I wonder if it would make a difference if the couple I am working with could
just watch themselves through a one-way mirror.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>On the one hand I appreciate that they feel safe enough to not hesitate
to express how they feel. That’s a good thing. On the other hand, I think if
people were able to see themselves as an outsider they might be horrified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe more effective than imagining a one-way
mirror is for clients to think about how would this look to their children if
they were watching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course I am not
suggesting that this be done. However, I might ask clients who are fighting to
think about how it would feel to their children if they saw them fighting. Even
if they are not actively fighting in from of their children (hopefully) it
trickles down. Kids feel it and if affects them. Is this enough incentive to look
for a way to resolve the conflict?<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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5.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><u>Do a cost benefit analysis.<o:p></o:p></u></div>
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<u><br />
</u><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>At the end of the day, most of
the divorce agreement (with the exception of parenting issues) revolves around
financial decisions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problem and
challenge is that this isn’t just a business a deal. There are multiple layers
of emotions involved. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ultimate
agreement however should be based on a rational financial analysis. If it is
emotionally based- i.e. revenge, guilt, anger, fear- there will inevitably be
problems down the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At some point in
the process when final decisions need to be made, a simple cost benefit
analysis is extremely useful. What are the costs of not settling? What are the
benefits of settling?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Write them out and
sit with it for a while.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7 6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><u>Find someone to talk with</u>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Not much elaboration needed here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having someone you trust that you can talk
about this with is critical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may be
that you talk with one person about the financial and one person about the
emotional. The only caveat I would make here is to be careful about not
confusing support and a good sounding board with someone who gives you legal
advice who has no business giving you legal advice. It is not uncommon what
clients come in and tell me they have reached an agreement about something and
when I ask how they arrived at the agreement, I find out that it was based on
some incorrect legal information/advice they received.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That aside, having someone with whom you can
discuss the process is invaluable.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-33052666337641780072018-02-08T15:52:00.002-05:002018-02-08T15:52:44.004-05:00New Tax Law and its Impact on Divorce The new tax bill passed by Congress has a number of significant changes which affect divorcing couples. I am including a link to an article which describes some of these changes.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It can be found at:</div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></div>
<div>
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<a href="https://apfmnet.org/new-tax-law-significantly-impacts-couples-going-through-divorce/?mc_cid=4d3c1f1a4b&mc_eid=ee319abcae" target="_blank">New Tax Law Significantly Impacts Couples Going Through Divorce</a></div>
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February 1, 2018</div>
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oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-19269742383179201872017-12-21T09:57:00.000-05:002017-12-21T09:57:31.906-05:00Alimony and the new tax bill<u>Alimony and the 2017 GOP Tax Bill</u><br />
<br />
Under the 2017 GOP tax bill, alimony will no longer be deductible to the payor and no longer income to the payee. To quote an article in Forbes:<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "georgia" , "cambria" , "times new roman" , "times" , serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "georgia" , "cambria" , "times new roman" , "times" , serif;">Under the bill as written, the existing rules regarding </span><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyphillipserb/2012/03/03/taxes-from-a-to-z-a-is-for-alimony/#4e8374c24daa" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #003891; cursor: auto; font-family: georgia, cambria, "times new roman", times, serif;" target="_self">alimony</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "georgia" , "cambria" , "times new roman" , "times" , serif;">(deductible to the payer and taxable to the payee) remain in effect through the end of 2018. Alimony will not be deductible, nor taxable, under new agreements signed beginning on January 1, 2019. As for those old agreements? Even though you didn't ask, they stay as is, unless you modify them after January 1, 2019, by specifically referencing the new law.</span> </i></span><br />
<br />
See:https:<a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyphillipserb/2017/12/20/ask-the-taxgirl-tax-reform-questions-and-answers/#3dac53f5ddb0" target="_blank">//www.forbes.com/sites/kellyphillipserb/2017/12/20/ask-the-taxgirl-tax-reform-questions-and-answers/#3dac53f5ddb0 </a>for full story and more to follow.<br />
<br />oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-14039285899613576952017-10-10T12:49:00.000-04:002019-07-30T12:56:50.887-04:00Free Initial Consultation<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkipF8IT76qgMCcokMafDwUj13cSNRhhbBJ_U3aiGoZfe2Bqr_PfNEj7UkGLufT5lepwg5TqJM0VCeRF425Scf9_5fd9pSejG52Mogt18uXBHTBGQR_L_n4nF458VLnV1TWdzVjpFm2vM/s1600/IMG_2376.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkipF8IT76qgMCcokMafDwUj13cSNRhhbBJ_U3aiGoZfe2Bqr_PfNEj7UkGLufT5lepwg5TqJM0VCeRF425Scf9_5fd9pSejG52Mogt18uXBHTBGQR_L_n4nF458VLnV1TWdzVjpFm2vM/s320/IMG_2376.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
In the mediation class I teach at a local law school, I will ask the class how many would offer a free initial consultation as a mediator and how many would charge. I am always surprised that the breakdown is almost 50/50 of those that would charge and those who would offer a free consultation. I see a free consultation as crucial. Let me first explain what the free consultation session includes. During this session, which typically can last from as little as 10 minutes to 30-45 minutes, I explain the process, give the clients information about my background, my philosophy about mediation and why I do it and give clients an opportunity to ask questions about any of the above.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
What the initial free consultation is not is a free meeting to dispense legal advice. First, as a mediator I cannot and do not provide legal advice and secondly, this meeting is limited to discussion of process. I do not get into substance with clients at this meeting.<br />
<br />
Sometimes clients are shopping for mediators. Maybe they have the names of 2-3 mediators and they are trying to decide. I think that is great. Clients should feel comfortable with their mediator. After all, they are going to be engaged in discussions that can be very personal and likely to involved private information about money, children, health, infidelity and more. If clients are shopping I appreciate when they tell me so straight out. Due diligence is important.<br />
<br />
A free consultation also allows me to make sure that this process is appropriate for this couple. It may be that for various reasons, I think mediation is not a good fit. Maybe there has been or continues to be domestic violence. Maybe they are not really sure they want to divorce and what they really need first is counseling. In any event, the first session allows me to assess the clients before me as well.<br />
<br />
Sometimes, clients come to the first meeting and after my explaining the process to them, they have no questions. Often, I find that maybe they have been referred to me by someone or multiple people and they are pretty sure they want to begin that day. In many of those cases, we may start right then and continue with a paid session. Normally, I would have clients sign a mediation agreement and I charge them for whatever time is spent from that point forward. The first substantive session is spent with my getting basic information from the clients and finding out what they have talked about and what information we still need to get.<br />
<br />
If potential clients call and they are not sure about whether mediation is right for them or their spouse or partner is not sure, I encourage them to come in for the free initial meeting. That's what it is for. As a friend of mine once said, "Information is power!".<br />
<br />
So, if you are considering mediation, please call me to set up a free initial consultation.oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-76392010451963297412017-02-19T16:14:00.002-05:002019-07-30T12:57:16.117-04:00More Frequently Asked Questions that can be answered with “it depends”. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheM2DKrSyMMpAqKa-XlrrV7hwSkUmFJEtHuk7IJJIMyBgJeLzU3E0jko53v6aN_yg5YeYU6H609HOWdwif0PVEH6mrQ5uf1YbnhSGu3r37np11zbz6uGWmRayy3RbdRsbIh0Mz54sRaVI/s1600/IMG_4096.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheM2DKrSyMMpAqKa-XlrrV7hwSkUmFJEtHuk7IJJIMyBgJeLzU3E0jko53v6aN_yg5YeYU6H609HOWdwif0PVEH6mrQ5uf1YbnhSGu3r37np11zbz6uGWmRayy3RbdRsbIh0Mz54sRaVI/s400/IMG_4096.jpg" width="233" /></a></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1. How long will it take?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Alongside “How
much will this cost?”, this is probably the most common question I
receive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The answer as you can probably
guess is, “it depends”. The response to this question involves two parts. The
first question is, “how long will the mediation process itself take?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The second question is,” How long will the
court process take?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The mediation process<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>can vary dramatically based on several
factors. First, if the parties have no children, no assets and few complicating
issues, the mediation process can be very quick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have had cases where people came in to see
me and were done in two weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being
done means that they walked out of my office with a comprehensive divorce
agreement, court papers and detailed instructions for going to court.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the case is more complicated, it will take
longer. If there is real estate, retirement accounts, businesses, and financial
accounts for instance, the process will inherently be longer because it will
take time to gather all the necessary information. Secondly, the speed at which
the mediation progresses willl greatly depend on the level of conflict between
the couple. I work with couples that are extremely amicable and I work with
couples that have high conflict. The more my clients can do on their own and in
between sessions, the faster and cheaper the mediation will be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they cannot communicate or talk with each
other “offline” i.e.: on their own, the mediation will take more time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Just as there are extremes in the
level of conflict between the parties, there is a huge range in the length of
the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recently helped a couple finish
their divorce. They started working with me 15 years ago. This is certainly an
anomaly. They were not actively mediating or negotiating for 15 years. They
would come back every three to four years but for whatever reason, it took them
a long time. They were very amicable, had each moved on to new relationships
but just never could finish things up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
have also had couples that came in after a short marriage, no children, no
property and I helped them finish everything in a week.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The second
part of the question has to do with the court process. That is the easy
part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once you have a signed agreement
and signed court papers, you file the paperwork with the court.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Typically the court will schedule you for a
hearing within about 30-45 days. You will appear in front of the court on the
date of your hearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you filed a
joint petition for your divorce (a 1A divorce), the divorce will be final 120
days from the date you went to court.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you filed a 1B complaint, the divorce will be final 90 days from your court
hearing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How much will it
cost?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Many of the
same factors that address the question, “How long will it take?” apply in
response to this question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is,
obviously if the case is a high conflict case, that will greatly affect the
cost. If the parties do not communicate well or are not able to negotiate on
their own, then the process will last longer and cost more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the parties insist on “fighting” about
every issue down to who gets the toaster, the process will be more costly. On
the other hand, if the parties are able to leave the first or second meeting
with a list of issues to be discussed and information to be gathered, and they
come back to the next meeting having obtained the necessary information and
discussed the issues, the process will be quick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The average from the start to finish no
including the free initial consultation is 3-5 sessions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Drafting the agreement typically takes about
an hour and drafting the court papers typically takes .5 hour.<o:p></o:p></div>
oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-28620246410187937282017-02-05T15:09:00.002-05:002019-07-30T12:58:54.764-04:00Mandatory Mediation<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>The Hampden Probate and Family Court Mandatory Mediation
Program: A Successful Collaboration between a Probate Court, Law School and a
Community Mediation Program<o:p></o:p></u></div>
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In January of 2016 we began an
experimental mediation clinic at the Hampden County Probate and Family Court.
The Clinic was a collaboration between the Hampden Probate and Family Court,
Western New England University School of Law (WNEU) and The Mediation and
Training Collaborative (TMTC), a court-approved, community mediation center in
Greenfield. The clinic built upon a pilot mandatory mediation program which had
been running at the Hampden Probate Court since the fall of 2014, and was
administered by TMTC. Under this pilot, the court referred 4 cases per month (2
cases on 2 separate dates). TMTC scheduled mediators to conduct the sessions,
and conducted intakes and screening in each case prior to the scheduled date. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Starting in January 2016, for the duration of
the WNEU winter semester, the court referred two cases per week to the clinic.
The litigants were required to attend the clinic, which provided free mediation
to the participants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was the qualified
mediator charged with conducting each session. Reaching agreement was obviously
voluntary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I supervised two WNEU law
students who had previously taken a semester-long family mediation class I
teach at the law school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although they
had had a great deal of experience with role play mediation, this was the
students’ first experience with “real life” mediation situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition to participating in the court
mediations which occurred every Wednesday, the students also worked with Betsy
Williams, Clinic Coordinator with TMTC on the intakes for the cases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Prior to the mediations, TMTC called and
spoke with each participant to give them information about mediation, screen
for domestic violence or other issues that could make mediation inappropriate,
and to obtain relevant background information for the mediation. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Although
attendance was mandatory,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>theoretically
the litigants could have attended the mediation, sat down for 5 minutes and
ended the session and they would have technically been in compliance. In
practice, not only did this never happen but in almost all the cases mediated,
whether high or low conflict, the parties actively participated in the
mediation to its conclusion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
addition, although we initially thought no-shows might be a problem, in fact it
was never a problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had 100%
compliance from the participants.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The clinic
was a success on multiple levels and resulted in many surprises and unexpected
results. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>First, from
the standpoint of the students, there is nothing like real world experience. As
interesting and realistic as role-plays can be in class, they are no substitute
for the real thing. Students experienced clients with strong emotions, clients
with little affect or emotion, clients with mental illness, clients struggling
with poverty, clients with high conflict and clients with seemingly no
conflict, clients who were highly articulate and other clients who were
difficult to understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the semester
progressed, students were given more and more responsibility. Initially, they
observed me mediating. Each Wednesday, following the mediation, we met for an
hour to debrief about the mediations. The students were also required each week
to submit a self-reflection paper with their observations about that week’s
mediations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the semester progressed,
students took on a more active role, starting with making the opening statement
to the parties, explaining ground rules, confidentiality, voluntariness
etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The students then progressed to
information gathering and issue spotting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>By the end of the semester, each week the students would alternate
taking the lead as co-mediator with me under my supervision. There was a
similar progression for students’ involvement with the intake process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They began by listening in on the
intake/screening calls being conducted by Betsy (with full knowledge of their
presence by the clients), then started providing some of the opening
information, and ultimately were charged with conducting the intake altogether,
with Betsy still on the call to fill in any gaps, as necessary.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>One of the
biggest surprises of the clinic was the fact that not a single participant ever
objected to the students’ participation. Participants were gracious about the
law students’ presence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At times it even
felt that having the students in the room added some lightness to the
atmosphere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The students’ presence
almost seemed to calm the clients a bit. There were times when after we had
reached an agreement and I had gone upstairs to check in with the clerk about
the agreement, I came back and the law students and clients were talking
casually. In one case, the mother was talking with the students about her very
unusual pregnancy. Participants were asked to fill out evaluations after their
session.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition to the evaluations
being almost universally positive, no mention was made in any of the
evaluations complaining or negatively commenting on the students’
participation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><u>From an
educational perspective</u>, I believe the students received an experience that
in many ways exceeds what they can get in a classroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I ultimately would have liked for them
to have had more experience being the lead mediator, we also had to be mindful
of the fact that this program was also for the benefit of the court and the
litigants, and needed to uphold the quality standards for the provision of ADR
services in a court-referred case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So,
the education that the students received, including possibly the education of
blowing a mediation completely (which has its benefits didactically) had to be
balanced with the fact that ultimately, we were trying to help the clients
settle their cases successfully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nevertheless, the students experienced having to think on their feet and
came face to face with the real-life problems clients faced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As is the case with experienced mediators,
students learned how to balance being facilitative and directive when
necessary. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><u>From the
court’s perspective,</u> I can only assume that the program on many levels was
helpful and successful. We had 13 weeks of cases with 2 cases per week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I was not keeping a tally of success
and failure, my general recollection is that we helped settle approximately 22
or 23 out of 26 cases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In almost all
cases, we were able to write up an agreement<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>during the session and the parties saw the judge that afternoon and
their agreement was approved or the agreement was approved
administratively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In one case, a divorce
action, the parties reached an agreement on most of the aspects of their
divorce, we wrote up an agreement following the mediation, sent it via email to
the parties and after a few minor edits, they had the agreement approved as
part of their divorce. So, as a result of the clinic there were 23 fewer cases
that needed pre-trials, case management conferences, trials, judges’ time,
clerks’ time and the court’s time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Much of the
success was due to the choice of cases sent to the clinic by the judges and
judicial case managers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The cases that
did not settle often involved a client or clients who were extremely dug
in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, in several cases we were dealing
with a client who was likely suffering from mental illness or drug abuse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In one case, one client simply did not care,
was not interested in engaging with his ex-partner and was absolutely unwilling
to engage in the mediation in any productive way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Many of the cases that did settle
had certain similarities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They often
involved young parents who were never married and had a young child
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of these cases involved
two young people who simply were not good at communicating with one
another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A common element was a new
boyfriend or girlfriend and animosity between the parent and the other parent’s
new partner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When given a chance to have
a conversation in a safe setting, facilitated by a neutral third party, these
litigants almost always resolved the issue which had brought them to court.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it was hard to even think of them
as litigants. What they needed was a forum where they could be heard, where
they were given full attention and where they had more than the five minutes
they would receive in a busy motion session.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Many times, the young parents just needed some ideas (some of which
seemed so basic and commonsensical) about how to communicate with each
other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“He never answers my texts;” “Her
boyfriend is sending me nasty text” , “She is badmouthing me on social
media.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of these cases involved
the mediators helping the clients come up with communication protocols and
ground rules.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Most of the
cases we had were not complex financial cases or high conflict child custody
cases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were cases that probably
never should have been in court in the first place but for the fact that as a
result of poor communication, the parties had no other way to resolve their
dispute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the other hand, we only had
2 hours with the parties so the cases that were most amenable to mediation were
cases where there was one or maybe two issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Although we were able to help two couples reach a full divorce, full
divorces were the exception. Most of the cases involved unmarried couples who
had a parenting issue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>From my
perspective as a full time private mediator, I had an opportunity to work with
a population that I rarely see in my private practice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The vast majority of the cases involved
unmarried parents, usually under age 30, most of them at or below the poverty
line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I appreciated the challenge of
working in unfamiliar territory including poverty, disability and mental
illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In addition, the vast majority
of cases I handle as a private mediator are not already in litigation but
rather result in an agreement which is then filed as a 1A divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cases that are already in litigation have a
different flavor and require different approaches which I had the opportunity
to try out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a teacher, I struggled
with, but appreciated the challenge of balancing my desire to give my students
experience and opportunity to succeed and fail, with my internal pressure to
get the case settled for the court. Finally, this was the first time I had the
experience of having people other than my clients seeing me actually conducting
a mediation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was therefore a wonderful
learning experience to hear from my students what they observed me doing, what
worked and what didn’t work.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Some things
I learned and was surprised about:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If these cases were any indication, there are
many cases clogging up the court system which simply do not belong in the court
system or could be avoided with some early intervention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of these cases really did not involve a
conflict. Litigation however was the only way that one party could communicate
with or force some action from the other party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know how else to say it, but that’s just crazy.<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a few cases we struggled with what to do
in the cases where one party was pro se and one party had an attorney.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We opted for allowing the attorney to sit in
on the mediation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In both cases where
that occurred, we asked the pro se party if he or she had an objection to the
presence of the other party’s attorney.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In one case, the client and her attorney opted for not having her
attorney in the mediation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the
attorneys did participate (even in the case where there were two attorneys)
they were very helpful to the mediation. They helped give their clients a
reality check when it was necessary. They were also helpful in explaining
things that their clients were having difficulty understanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As long the ground rules were established at
the outset and followed, having one or two attorneys in the room was very
helpful.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was surprised that despite the fact that
the mediation had been ordered by the court, there was no resentment of that by
the clients (except in one instance).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Again, with perhaps that one exception, when the parties walked into the
mediation room, they were ready to engage in the process rather than complain
about it. The concept of mandatory mediation is still a subject of debate in
the mediation community, with some practitioners opining that mandatory
mediation is a contradiction in terms. Before this clinic, I probably would
have agreed with that sentiment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
a different view now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the people
we saw were below the poverty line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most
of the parties we saw had at most a high school education.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Private mediation was out of reach for most
of the participants because of the cost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Community mediation programs with sliding fee rates may have been an
option but I suspect that other than through court, most of the litigants would
have had no access to or knowledge about these community mediation
options.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ultimately, at least in this
small sample, the fact that the participants were being ordered to attend got
them in the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They all participated,
not a single participant complained about being mandated to attend and there
was a high settlement rate for the program.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was after clear communication at the beginning of each mediation that
explained that although they were mandated to attempt mediation, settlement was
voluntary and they were in control of the outcome.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was actually shocked that no one ever
complained about the fact that there were three of us in the room (the two
students and my myself).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When setting up
the program, I fretted over whether we should have both students in the room or
just one student and me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one seemed
to be bothered by having three extra people in the room and in fact, as stated
above, it may have helped calm the mediation in an unexpected way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<u>Conclusion<o:p></o:p></u></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
particular program came about as a result of a perfect storm of sorts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A law school that was interested in and
committed to providing its students with externships and real-world experience
connected with a busy probate court with many pro se parties and a judge who is
committed to the expansion of alternative dispute resolution in the courts in
general and in the Hampden Probate and Family Court in particular. In addition,
we were fortunate to be able to partner with a community mediation organization
that has a lot of experience providing mediation services in the probate court,
the administrative skills necessary to run the program and the flexibility to
make the adjustments essential to make the program work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And finally, this was all combined with the
willingness of the Chief of the Probate and Family Court who was prepared to
give the program the go ahead.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In
retrospect, while I cannot speak for others involved in the program, I
recognize that I may have been somewhat naïve in structuring the program. That
is, I agreed to plug the law school clinic into a mandatory mediation program
before really understanding and exploring the pros and cons of the mandatory
mediation model. As I have begun to read more about mandatory mediation
programs around the country and about mandatory mediation in general, I realize
that there were a number of issues that I did not consider.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For instance, should there be sanctions for
non-participation or should parties be entitled to opt out. Should cases
referred to mediation be chosen randomly or be handpicked by the judge or court
personnel?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And how much information
should the court have about what transpired in the mediation?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is in addition to the more
philosophical and theoretical (but still important) questions like “Is
mandatory mediation antithetical to the whole notion of self determination of
the parties?” There are a multitude of scholarly articles on the topic of
mandatory mediation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An excellent
article that delves into many of these issues is Peter Salem’s article entitled,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<span style="color: #252525; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Emergence of Triage in Family Court Services: The Beginning
of the End for Mandatory Mediation?”</span><span style="color: #212121; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> 47 Fam. Ct. Rev. 371 (2009)</span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">.</span><span style="font-family: "times"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: "times"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>On the other hand, sometimes ignorance
is bliss. Had we tried to address all of these issues in the first year, we may
never have gotten the program off the ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>From a purely anecdotal standpoint, it appears that the clinic was a
great success. As we enter our second year, we will start to address some of
the above issues and others as they become or appear appropriate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For now at least, our experiment has been a
success in almost all respects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has
benefitted clients (as reported by the clients), benefitted the courts by
reducing caseload, and benefitted the law students by providing real world
experience mediating.<o:p></o:p></div>
orankaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14856474600665348694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1255919401175934513.post-90082696104161453792016-07-28T11:12:00.002-04:002019-07-30T12:59:38.812-04:00Neutrality and Transparency<h3>
<span style="font-size: large;">Neutrality and transparency are two critically important
concepts in mediation. What do they mean in the mediation context?</span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Maybe it is easier to start with what they do not mean. Being neutral is not like neutral on your
automobile gear shift. It does not mean lack of motion, lack of movement or
inertia. Neutral does not mean blasé or like a neutral color that blends and
neutral is not vanilla. In mediation
however, neutrality is key. Neutrality
in mediation means that the mediator is not siding with one or the other party.
Neutrality means that the mediator does not have a stake in the outcome except
to insure that the process is fair, that the clients are fully informed, that
they understand what they are agreeing to and ultimately believe their
agreement is fair and reasonable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I often distinguish for my clients the difference between
the term neutral and unbiased. As much
as I would like to be, I do not believe that as a mediator I am unbiased. I
don’t believe any mediator can ever be completely unbiased. We all have our
biases, worldviews, prejudices and leanings. A good mediator however will
recognize those biases and not let them influence the direction of the
mediation and the self-determination of the clients. Neutrality means not letting your internal
biases guide or even affect the mediation.
Neutrality means that both parties feel that you are on their side or
that neither feels you are on their side or the other party’s side. Neutrality does not mean you will sit there
like a lump on a log and not take action (i.e. be in neutral on the gear
shift). To the contrary, neutrality involves hard work. It involves constantly
gauging, assessing, measuring and figuring out what you need to do while
remaining in the neutral zone. It is helpful to think of it like a light gauge
on a camera. For a good photograph, you
want the needle to generally be in the middle of the gauge- not too dark and
not too light. To do that you are always
making adjustments to the aperture, the speed, the film speed etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Transparency is the second concept which is critical to a
successful mediation. For me, as a
mediator, it is important that both parties hear and see the same information.
It is critical that neither party fears that I have information from the other
party that they do not know about.
Finally it is critical that all information necessary for resolving the
dispute is on the table and subject to inspection or questioning by both
parties (or all parties if a multi-party dispute). There should be no secrets,
no secret deals, no secret emails, phone calls or conversations. I like the word transparent because unlike the
word “neutral,” it is what it sounds
like. If you look through a transparent piece of glass, you see exactly what is
on the other side. That’s how it should
be. The mediation should not be opaque or
even obscured. In order to make an
informed decision, the clients need to clearly see everything in front of them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Finally, the concepts of transparency and neutrality are
inextricably linked in the following simple way. In order for the mediator to
be neutral and to be perceived as neutral, there must be complete transparency. How is transparency achieved? When I conduct mediations I have the
following simple rules:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. I will not
talk individually to either party unless at some point there is a decision by
both parties that they want me to do so.
(This is called caucusing and is a subject for another day).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. I will not
accept individual emails from clients. (Again unless there has been a specific
agreement to do so although even then I am reluctant to do this).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. I will not
have individual conversations with either client (other than non-substantive
calls like to schedule a meeting) again unless we have previously decided to do
so. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. Any
information I receive from either client must be shared with the other party
(again unless we are caucusing, in which case there is a mutual understanding
that each party may ask me to keep certain information confidential).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. Even before the initial consult, I am
very careful to tell the person contacting me that I do not want to receive
substantive information from him or her until both parties are in the
room. Even if it may not necessarily
affect me or the process, it may result in the appearance of lack of neutrality
or lack of transparency down the road.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">One of the keys to a successful mediation is to provide
clients with an environment and space where they feel safe. This does not just refer to physically safe
but also to creating a sense for the clients that they can feel safe talking
about sensitive issues, and feel that the mediator is professional and taking
care of the their needs. Part of creating that safe mediation environment is
creating mechanisms and a process which insures the mediator’s neutrality and
transparency.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
oranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08747517709807527853noreply@blogger.com